Hilary Meets the Land of the Morning Calm

I haven't talked too much about culture differences in Korea. Here are a few things that pop into mind:

• Out and about: Prepare to be pushed. Seoul is crowded. The sidewalks, stores, subways, u-name-it are always full of people going in all different directions. Add to this fact that Koreans' idea of the personal bubble space is much smaller than in the US/Canada, and you have the result: guaranteed physical contact. To a foreigner, this can seem rude, because it feels like you are getting bumped, pushed, shoved, and jostled from all sides by people who don't seem to notice you or apologize for the seemingly avoidable bumps. This can be quite aggravating on a bad day, but it is something you simply must get over if you don't want to be in a bad mood all the time.

• Stylin' all the time: In Korea, appearance is extremely important. You will never see a Korean under any circumstance wearing a coat over pajamas as they run to the convenience store to pick up some milk for their coffee in the morning. Dressing well and looking your best is a sign of respect to others, and is also a reflection of yourself. My adult students that I taught this month explained that if you dress smartly, then strangers will think that you must be a very intelligent person. As for the style that's IN here, there is a lot to say. Murses are in. I repeat, murses are in. What's a murse? A man's purse. And they are in. Next, if you are a young lady, you wear high-heels with everything. Heels should be 4" or more, and often look a little risqué by North American standards. Furthermore, you can wear shorts/skirts almost short as your underwear, but keep that cleavage hidden. Actually, hide your entire neck area, shoulders and your back, we just want to see legs. Finally, accessorize the bling-bling. If its shiny and sparkly, its perfect. Cellphone covers, earrings, bags, nails, headbands, clothes, shoes, u-name-it, should be covered with some sort of shiny fake diamond or jewels whenever possible.

• Its about family: Families are extremely close here. Children live with their parents usually until they get married. Grandparents are not sent to nursing homes, but instead move in with one of their children. Due to how small homes (apartments more typically) are here, this does mean that there is very little privacy, and that 'child life' is extended well into someone's 20s. For instance, I have a foreign guy friend who is dating a Korean woman in her 20s. We went out to eat together on a Sunday night, and around 10pm we were sitting talking at the table digesting the meal, when she got a phone call from her father telling her to come home. They explained to me that she has a curfew and needs to be home when her parents ask. For me this is incredible that an adult woman has a curfew. I wondered if her father was more strict because she had a foreign boyfriend, but I did not ask this question.

• Why aren't you married??? Relationships and marriage appear to be much more traditional here. If you see a guy holding not a murse, but a very girly purse, look around him, there is probably a girlfriend nearby. It is the job of the Korean boyfriend to hold the girl's purse at all times, no exceptions. It is also sometimes required to wear matching outfits, which both partners seem to do eagerly. I have yet to get a picture of this, but will post it when I do. Most of all, it is important (for women) to get married in a timely fashion (i.e.: in their twenties). Almost all the Korean women I have met close to my age bemoan the fact they are not married yet, and vow to be married in one years time. "Do you have a boyfriend?" "No, but I'm going on several dates next week!" Being setup on blind dates by friends (and sometimes mothers) is common here. Criteria for a good boyfriend seems to go something in this order: 1. Has a good job, 2. Is good looking and dresses well, 3. Shows good taste in restaurants/things to do, 5. Is intelligent, 6. Is funny. Parents opinions are extremely important, and if they don't like a guy, than the relationship is doomed. Things parents might not like is the potential candidates job (how will you provide for my daughter???), religion, and ethnicity. (It has been explained to me that sons are expected to take care of their elderly parents, so they want him to be married to a Korean girl who will know how to cook them the foods they are familiar with. Listening to my some of my Korean friends dating troubles, sometimes it seems to me they are more worried about what their parents think, or about the economics of marriage than choosing someone that they are truly happy with. I'm curious to know about divorce rates here, if they have been increasing in recent years, and if there is any data on marriage satisfaction. Dating is much shorter here, and it is not uncommon for a marriage to take place within a year of meeting. Then, the couple gets an apartment together and lives with someone other than a family member for the first time in their lives.